A lot has slowed down off late. The motivation to do great things such as succeed at a fast pace are slowly getting dimmer. I wonder if this is because I am in love. I mean is this because I am slowly falling into the complacency of believing that someone else will take care of me? Does that mean that my ambition stems from all thins superficial? Does this mean that I am truly driven to do great things and learn and be a good professional? What does this mean? And why am I scared of this feeling? I don’t want to become completely dependant on someone else. i don’t want to find my meaning through them. I need to be me and I need to be proud of who I am.

Am I over-reacting? Is this slow down because I am becoming accustomed to the pace of the world and have realised that even success comes at a slow pace? Is it because I have realised that things come only when they have to and we can’t expect them before their time? Is it because I have realised that there is no short cut to hard work and I need to work hard first and foremost before i expect any reward?

Or is it because I have truly become lazy? I think it might be a combination of the two because in all fairness it would be wrong to say I am not doing my little bit to look for a new job and get myself qualified. Maybe I need to both constantly find my inner motivation and regularly feed it and also move with the tide. And maybe beginning to feel a complacency/dependancy in love is actually comfort and security. I don’t know why that last bit is still a scary though also a very inviting prospect.

Maybe am just going to end up like any other girl. Scary. Very scary.

Tags: ambition, confidence, drive, finding oneself, love, motivation, Scary